You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
