look no pants
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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