there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
