3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
