how can u be prego again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize