so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
