Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
