Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
