I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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