what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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