I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
