I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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