Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
