can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
