well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
