i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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