I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
