it was like eating out sand paper
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
