I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
