I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
