I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
