i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize