I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
