We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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