Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
