You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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