I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
