Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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