im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
