weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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