I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
