Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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