"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
