apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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