i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
