ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
