I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
