things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
