I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
