Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
