Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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