i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
