I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's blow job season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
