I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
