And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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