I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
