Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
