I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
