oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
