So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
