i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So. Much. Porn.
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