Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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