My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
