Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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