You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
