I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
