She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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