all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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