i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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