Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
