On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
