I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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