You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
