So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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