I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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